"Euro-English" Adopted as New EU Lingua Franca

I can't understand why this major development hasn't been picked up by the mainstream press:

The European Commission has just annouced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of th EU rather than German which was the other possibility.



As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Goverment conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as 'Euro-English'.



In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keybords kan have one less lettre.



There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.



In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.



Governments will enkorage the removel of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgrasful, and they should go away.



By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps sush as a replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.



After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor truble or difkultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

Voila!