TRAFICANT FOUND GUILTY



Reuters has just reported that Ohio Rep. James Traficant, known for his habit of concluding his House speeches with the statement "beam me up!", will be beamed directly to a federal penitentiary for up to 63 years.



The articulate Traficant, who has been down a similar legal road before, acted as his own council. He was found guilty of bribery, corruption, and racketeering. I've heard that prison officials have graciously agreed to give Rep. Traficant a complimentary haircut upon his arrival.